Weird times, important conversations

It feels like more hard times and personal growth have hit me in the last few weeks than I've encountered in longer than I can remember.  I talked to a childhood close friend today, and felt rejuvenated a bit.  He reminded me of my strengths.  I talked to my brother yesterday and he said the nicest thing maybe anyone has ever said to me.  I was talking to him about how all his best skills are fit perfectly for the world...emotional stability, ability to produce, and he can fix any machine.  When I said this he told me that "your skills were meant for a much better world than this one" which made me cry, a lot.  I've been thinking a lot about fitting in lately.  My ex(hopefully not, its not certain)C and I had spent a lot of time arguing about being special.  I've come around a lot on it.  Ive thought a lot about it, talked about it with friends and my therapist.  I know where my desire to be special comes from, but sometimes I think it makes me fight my desire to connect and be happy and I'm trying to find more middle ground.  This is just going to be short.  I miss C so much.  I regret several things from the past year, I regret not being more vulnerable on numerous occasions.  I'm feeling insanely lonely out here, finding most of my connect on the phone with long term friends.  I am hoping for some progress with C while also preparing myself for rejection, which isn't something I am particularly good at dealing with.  I also talked to my dad about my older sister for the first time in my life, I didn't even understand how she died til this week.  He was surprised I felt connected to her, which says more about him than me, but the fact that we had the conversation  was huge.  More to deal with, more to write about another day