Letter #3 Nightmares

I awoke from a dream about you.  You know me, I don't really dream, I have nightmares.  God damn my imagination, which seemingly struggles to create anything fantastical and instead leaves me in the realm of the social and the banal.  I don't remember much now(it's 6 at night I'm at a cafe in Oakland).  Thankfully, I can't remember much of the nightmare.  Something about you being with someone else and not caring about me.  I've had a lot of deja vu lately, whatever.  Time haunts me, the present is fucked, the past is bittersweet, and the future is so unknown that I'm not even sure I can do much about creating it, yet I try.  I gave you this blog a year ago, yet I know you don't read it.  I gave you the address so you could get a fuller understanding of me, seeing me as myself, seeing a history of me unattached from you, my growth, my pain my change.  I wished you had been interested.  It would have made me feel a lot differently about things, but things aren't how they were or how we want them to be, things are how they are.  And Today, I sit alone in a cafe after spending the day thinking about two misunderstandings.  But, Steph just texted me to meet up for 30 minutes caz I miss her too, so differently, and I want to be friends w her.  So, two misunderstandings come later.  Goodbye for now ABC