mariah carey:

sings a song called "we belong together." so after work i was checking out and the song playing in the office was we belong togehter, a corny catchy awful song which is associated w aly, gf of 4 years who i planned on marrying. this is because she left me messages singing along to it when she heard it on the radio. so the question remains, how does one go from sending those messages to having no desire to talk to me and being maybe in love w someone else. its just, depressing. i try not to let it affect me, its been about 10 months since we broke up which i guess is a long time. but unfortunately, i still think about it everyday. i havent gone a day in the last 10 months so 10 times 30, 300 days in a row thinking about someone who doesnt want any part of me for the rest of her life except maybe as a bullshit friend. obviously, i am the first to recognize this is unhealthy and harmful, but fuck, i honestly cannot control it. ive taken anti Ds, anti anxiety medicine, ive seen therapists, talked to my friends till they wanted to kill me. i dated a girl who i had real, deep , sincere feelings for, who i cared about a ton. but none of this made me stop thinking about her for even one day. fuck. ive surfed, ive read, ive come to a million realizations. she doesnt even get me, she never understood me, she loved me for lots of reasons, i think lots were because i showed her a million things and in a sick fucked up way almost looked up to me for a while, because i taught her so many things about the world and how people are around each other that she was never aware of. and its not just that, theres a million reasons i shouldnt be w her, but the fact is i still love her. and deep down i still feel that we belong together...