Letter # 1
Dear A, or BC,
Fuck I miss you. I go between missing you and imagining you with whoever else you are with. Sometimes it is w his head between your legs, or vice versa, or you fucking him the way you fucked me. Sometimes it's cuddling, sometimes it is you laughing at his jokes. You aren't laughing at mine because I don't have as many as usual right and and because we aren't talking. I am sad and jealous and I want you here. I fucked someone else. Whatever. It wasn't bad. I didn't feel bad about it. I also didn't feel the excitement I felt with you. Maybe I'm wired different. I get one stuck in my head and that's who I want and right now it is still you. This other person likes me, a lot too much. We aren't like that. Whatever. The other person has nothing to do with this except that you kept telling me to date other people and if I fucked wanted to I would have. I do what I want. I want you. It sucks saying that knowing you want others and that I still haven't been emailed back and you are on dates and cuddling and kissing and fucking and laughing and I want to do those things w you. Maybe/probably I am a hopeless romantic who is civ fucked into trouble with jealousy. I don't know. What I do know is that It feels different cuddling you than anyone else, it feels better it feels deeper. I know that you are one of the only people I can really talk to about all my crazy ideas. It is hard being far from you and it is hard going day to day w out talking about without hearing from you. So here are some things I would tell you if you called:
- I was 10 yards away from an easily 25 foot whale in the ocean the other day
- yesterday I worked out at the gym and surfed twice
- i had my MRI read and still don't know what's wrong, could be my AC Joint a torn labrum or a torn bicep tendon Im getting PT and a second opinion.
- I wanna share stuff from Kris Larsen w you
- I am presenting a thing in a month and I wish I could talk w you about it
- I thought of you when I woke up, again
- I just want to squeeze you
- I had a conversation with a kid who hates everything at his school and life, he is 9, I made all the other kids listen to him give a speech about how miserable and unfair life is after another kid complained to me that life is unfair. There is more to this story and I want to share it with you
Why aren't you here with me? Why are you with someone else? Why aren't you falling asleep and waking up with me? Didn't we make ourselves for each other, or am I just a fucking wide eyed naive fool. Where are you? I miss you
Fuck I miss you. I go between missing you and imagining you with whoever else you are with. Sometimes it is w his head between your legs, or vice versa, or you fucking him the way you fucked me. Sometimes it's cuddling, sometimes it is you laughing at his jokes. You aren't laughing at mine because I don't have as many as usual right and and because we aren't talking. I am sad and jealous and I want you here. I fucked someone else. Whatever. It wasn't bad. I didn't feel bad about it. I also didn't feel the excitement I felt with you. Maybe I'm wired different. I get one stuck in my head and that's who I want and right now it is still you. This other person likes me, a lot too much. We aren't like that. Whatever. The other person has nothing to do with this except that you kept telling me to date other people and if I fucked wanted to I would have. I do what I want. I want you. It sucks saying that knowing you want others and that I still haven't been emailed back and you are on dates and cuddling and kissing and fucking and laughing and I want to do those things w you. Maybe/probably I am a hopeless romantic who is civ fucked into trouble with jealousy. I don't know. What I do know is that It feels different cuddling you than anyone else, it feels better it feels deeper. I know that you are one of the only people I can really talk to about all my crazy ideas. It is hard being far from you and it is hard going day to day w out talking about without hearing from you. So here are some things I would tell you if you called:
- I was 10 yards away from an easily 25 foot whale in the ocean the other day
- yesterday I worked out at the gym and surfed twice
- i had my MRI read and still don't know what's wrong, could be my AC Joint a torn labrum or a torn bicep tendon Im getting PT and a second opinion.
- I wanna share stuff from Kris Larsen w you
- I am presenting a thing in a month and I wish I could talk w you about it
- I thought of you when I woke up, again
- I just want to squeeze you
- I had a conversation with a kid who hates everything at his school and life, he is 9, I made all the other kids listen to him give a speech about how miserable and unfair life is after another kid complained to me that life is unfair. There is more to this story and I want to share it with you
Why aren't you here with me? Why are you with someone else? Why aren't you falling asleep and waking up with me? Didn't we make ourselves for each other, or am I just a fucking wide eyed naive fool. Where are you? I miss you
posted by Rydra Cosmo at
1:31 PM
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