sometimes

sometimes it isn't bad.  I liked my relationship with big dog because when her and I were dating, and I was out living hanging w friends whatever, on my own, I had very little anxiety.  That anxiety has come back since we broke up, and hanging with friends is harder now.  I guess breakups are just hard.  Part of me feels like the breakup was the wrong thing, because I'm coming out of the relationship and throwing myself into a project even through my sadness about it.  Usually, I just feel like I made a ton of bad choices.  While I have regrets, I think for the most part I was sweet and caring and kind to her.  I really love her and I feel like I showed that a lot.  Of course I made mistakes, but I also think I did a lot right.  I'm gonna keep throwing myself into writing, keep looking into MFT programs, and let the pain of the losing her sink in.  It's been enough time, I need to let myself feel the sadness more often so I it hurts less