Light Years Away

With enough psychotropic medication this relationship could work

When we are on benzos I can sleep and you don't stay up all night torturing yourself about all that fucking shit that should never have happened
We are snakes shedding our anxious/marked skin
We slide out of it cleanly, we stretch ourselves taut, we can feel our bodies

When we are on oxycodone all my pain is gone and the idea of hurting ourselves seems like it was left miles behind on a dirt path that has been grown over by a green thick forest
All the dropped breadcrumbs in the world couldn't lead us back to that place

Those holes we put in ourselves become a different planet, a world we will never return to but can see faintly in the night sky
A distant light to remember, too far to travel to, out of reach

But, the right pills will teleport us to Mars
On Mars we can cuddle because my hands don't remind you of his
On Mars my hands are only my own, they don't carry the weight and memory of the pain those other hands put on you years ago.
On Mars you are weightless and my hands are feathers, on Mars you hug me back
When I tell you that I love you on Mars you respond in kind, not by saying "you know how I fucking feel about you goddamnit."
On Mars I know how you fucking feel about me, goddamnit

But there aren't enough meds in the world to make this work
There is no path long enough to walk away from here and end up somewhere else
Because somewhere else is still here, and here will always follow us there

Our shadows stalk us, pull our shoulders and grab for our legs
They remind us that no matter which path we choose they will follow us
They will follow us through life and through death
So we must stop running from them, it only makes us tired and weak