31 days
That's all of January mother fuckers. I continue to be in conflict with my closest friend. He seems to think sending emails to other friends calling me narcissistic is reasonable. I think that is unreasonable. He seems to have no desire to say thanks for doing the work to get him and his partner to move into my house, even though they complained upon arrival, and then moved out 2 weeks later. He seems to feel some sense of entitlement to hang out with people I have developed relationships with over the last year. He seems to have zero desire to show any gratitude for any of this. I seem to have a giant fucking problem with this. Fuck that. Fuck talking shit to people's close friends when you barely know them and have hung out with them only a handful of times. Did he think I wouldn't hear about it? Does he not realize I am actually friends with the people I call friends. Fuck that.
On a separate note, my Saturday was pretty rad. I had time to myself all day then surfed til the sun set at ocean beach with my friend J. He is awesome. We also spent all of Friday night hanging out on his boat in the 5th ave marina, shooting the shit and pissing into the bay. I miss him sometimes, since he lives in Santa Cruz now. After surfing we met my friend YJY and her partner for dinner, which was pretty hilarious. Then we tried to meet an old friend of mine A but she blew us off so we played darts with some random hipsters until J's partner met with us and then we headed back to Oakland, where I lounged in a roommate's room and talked for an hour or two and now I write this after having coffee with another friend in our downstairs kitchen. That feels like a full life to me.
To be honest though, I definitely had some moments of concern about running into her when I was in the Mission. I think I wanted to. I have some feeling from her social media(which I haven't seen in 31 days) that she has some sf hipster bf. That makes me sad, that simple. The idea of her liking someone enough to really date hurts me and makes it hard not to feel that our relationship is invalidated, even though it is hard to call what we had a relationship. While walking down 16th and then Valencia, I told J I was worried about running into her. He then asked what made it such a big deal, since he seems to move on once a relationship is over. I said I dunno, I don't have a good answer for that, it is just a feeling.
On a separate note, my Saturday was pretty rad. I had time to myself all day then surfed til the sun set at ocean beach with my friend J. He is awesome. We also spent all of Friday night hanging out on his boat in the 5th ave marina, shooting the shit and pissing into the bay. I miss him sometimes, since he lives in Santa Cruz now. After surfing we met my friend YJY and her partner for dinner, which was pretty hilarious. Then we tried to meet an old friend of mine A but she blew us off so we played darts with some random hipsters until J's partner met with us and then we headed back to Oakland, where I lounged in a roommate's room and talked for an hour or two and now I write this after having coffee with another friend in our downstairs kitchen. That feels like a full life to me.
To be honest though, I definitely had some moments of concern about running into her when I was in the Mission. I think I wanted to. I have some feeling from her social media(which I haven't seen in 31 days) that she has some sf hipster bf. That makes me sad, that simple. The idea of her liking someone enough to really date hurts me and makes it hard not to feel that our relationship is invalidated, even though it is hard to call what we had a relationship. While walking down 16th and then Valencia, I told J I was worried about running into her. He then asked what made it such a big deal, since he seems to move on once a relationship is over. I said I dunno, I don't have a good answer for that, it is just a feeling.
posted by Rydra Cosmo at
10:05 AM
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