51 days and a datey-thing
So I marked 51 days when I woke up today. I am hoping that by 100 I will stop counting. I already forget for a day or two sometimes if I am keeping busy. Speaking of being busy, that was my weekend. On Friday I saw Frank Wilderson speak at Merritt College, and then helped get out 10k copies of a radical newspaper a friend of mine edits. Then I hung with the Canadians who finally left on Sunday. Saturday I shot bows and arrows with a primitivist couple I am friends with, then went to the city for the Eric McDavid event. I even saw the guy she more or less cheated on me with for 2 years and managed not to punch his smug face, so that is a win. Definitely sucked seeing him though.
Sunday was by far and away the best day of the weekend though. I spent the day recording the show with B, our sound guy I, and a friend C who jumped in on the show. It was the most fun I've had doing the show in a long time, it was fucking great. Then I met a new person, S, at another frank wilderson talk which we stayed at for a couple hours. Then we got Thai food and had a fucking awesome conversation. She called herself post-queer, and just seemed serious about being on top of her shit. We discussed that we are both fixers, and I posited the idea that I was actually being selfish by being a fixer, and she seemed to take that in for a bit. I was referring to the special feeling I got knowing that my ex hadn't discussed her various traumas with others I did the right thing and suggested a therapist, that she talk to a friend, or her mom, but I still got the high of whatever ego stroke I wanted from being special. We also discussed both of our mother's being narcissists with martyr complexes, although that manifested in very different ways. It was one of the best conversations I have ever had with a person I just met. I dropped her off at bart, gave her a hug, and drove home. Thinking back on last night, I am struck by how we discussed the idea of being present in a really interesting way. She talked about her life, and her relationships, and how many of them ending up being fucked because of all the talk and focus on the past and future, which negated the moment. So, as I sit here really excited about the idea of hanging out again, talking more, getting to know each other, etc, I am trying to remind myself that last night in and of itself showed me that in the moment I can connect with someone, that there are other people taking seriously(with a huge dose of humor) and trying to engage in relationships and friendships which are real and not giver/taker relationships. So ya, last night was fucking awesome!
Sunday was by far and away the best day of the weekend though. I spent the day recording the show with B, our sound guy I, and a friend C who jumped in on the show. It was the most fun I've had doing the show in a long time, it was fucking great. Then I met a new person, S, at another frank wilderson talk which we stayed at for a couple hours. Then we got Thai food and had a fucking awesome conversation. She called herself post-queer, and just seemed serious about being on top of her shit. We discussed that we are both fixers, and I posited the idea that I was actually being selfish by being a fixer, and she seemed to take that in for a bit. I was referring to the special feeling I got knowing that my ex hadn't discussed her various traumas with others I did the right thing and suggested a therapist, that she talk to a friend, or her mom, but I still got the high of whatever ego stroke I wanted from being special. We also discussed both of our mother's being narcissists with martyr complexes, although that manifested in very different ways. It was one of the best conversations I have ever had with a person I just met. I dropped her off at bart, gave her a hug, and drove home. Thinking back on last night, I am struck by how we discussed the idea of being present in a really interesting way. She talked about her life, and her relationships, and how many of them ending up being fucked because of all the talk and focus on the past and future, which negated the moment. So, as I sit here really excited about the idea of hanging out again, talking more, getting to know each other, etc, I am trying to remind myself that last night in and of itself showed me that in the moment I can connect with someone, that there are other people taking seriously(with a huge dose of humor) and trying to engage in relationships and friendships which are real and not giver/taker relationships. So ya, last night was fucking awesome!
posted by Rydra Cosmo at
11:53 AM
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