More of the same

I notch a 43rd tally on the bookshelf sitting in front of my face.  I think of her, probably getting him something nicer and more thoughtful than what she gave me last year.  I lament ,being alone, but take solace in friends gifting me candies with a sense of humor.  My soul is broken, but I have shoddily glued and taped the pieces back together and I will make it hold.  Tonight, I see Pat the Bunny and hopefully interview him for the radio show.  Things have been spiraly since I found out my close friend saw her.  I know it was nothing, but for some reason it sent me back reeling into a hole that I have worked hard to get myself out of.  Today I miss her and love her, but there are also others I miss and love.  And there are those close to me who I love, and since they are choosing me and I choose them, I will put my energy there.  She didn't choose me, she always kept a backup, a fallout plan, a safety net, and never chose me.