as I

As I was trying to fall asleep I was struck by one of those thoughts that sneaks up on you and truly surprises you.  I thought to myself how fucking sad and awful the idea of never seeing her again is.  And just as bad, the thought that we might not hold or lay with each other, or share our lives again.  As I notch a 35th day of total material separation(except for a glance at an inscription on a book),  I grieve for our future.