full nihilism

I think I am good at dating.  I am funny, intelligent, have a billion interests, but I think there is something I am missing.  Being on hiatus from dating people and fucking is strange.  I miss her still.  I don't even know if we would like each other anymore because of our politix and the shit between us, but when I really like someone it feels like there is something more.  It isn't that politix are irrelevant or unimportant, but somlething else just seems to feel more important.  I wish I was cuddling someone I liked or loved right now.  Instead I have weed and ice cream and writing.  I have work tomorrow, I have the radio show this weekend, I have my loneliness always.  Tonight I feel like a full nihilist, like I have left the rest behind.  Fuck.