100 days

i had a dream that i was driving w her old roommate barbara and she was in the car behind us.  we were going out for food, and barbara was convincing me that stephanie was somehow gonna be nice.  anyways after a bunch of stopping and getting out and going to different restaurants we end up back at stephs place.  somehow we slowly begin having sex.  steph wants to fuck and i ask her if shes been having safe sex and has been tested.  i find out she hasnt been, because she says the store was out of condoms, making a joke out of a pretty serious situation, which is not atypical for her.  eventually we fuck, it's terrible sex, she comes, I don't.  We have a conversation about it and it's obvious that she doesn't care about me.  It becomes obvious as we talk more that she hasn't changed at all and still is cold and callous and refuses to deal with her feelings and is ready to fuck me over on a whim.  At certain points she is merging with Aly, my first partner, and reminds me of her.  I find out shes slept with 2 people I hate in the last few months, I am annoyed by this.  Eventually, this kid paul I work with now, who i have basically no relationship w in real life and hardly know, comes in and asks me to go outside, and is pretty much saving me from this horrible situation.  At the end of it, on my way out, I look at her, and say "there is no such thing as veganism" and she tells me to fuck off.  I leave with paul , wake up and write this on my computer


I wrote this a few days ago and then got really sick.  I thought I would add more, but there isn't much more to add.  I'm sick of having nightmares about her.  In therapy I decided I would try to bring Alexis into my dreams with Steph and turn Steph into a turkey.  This way she wouldn't have to deal with her human body and I wouldn't have to know there is a human out there like that.  It's been nearly a year and she hasn't written me, not one word.  Will we go the rest of our lives without speaking?  Sadly, it seems so