feelz

soo....my brain chemicals are basically fucked at this point.  It's been like that for about a week or a week and a half now.  It's hard to tell why, it feels like chemical issues.  My house got sold and I am looking at having to move out in the next few weeks to 6 months depending on how things go.  Mixed feelings about this... I am gonna lose the recording studio for the radio show.  that sucks. 

my personal relationhips seem to be going well.  The person in Santa Cruz w the red flags that reminded me of Steph, I stopped seeing.  I am hanging with this person G who is really sweet and fun and silly, seems like a friends who hook up thing.  Then I am still seeing snail.  They are amazing and wonderful and sweet and I might be feeling like I love them.  That's a really intense thing to write and think.  Our relationship has a lot of solid boundaries, a shit ton of trust, and a reciprocity like I have never experienced before.  We take care of each other, while taking care of ourselves.  I love making out with Snail.  I love cuddling them.  I love their laugh, and smile, and the way they touch me.  This is my favorite relationship I have ever had that was physical.  I miss them and am also ok without seeing them for a while. 

But right now these feelings of emptiness, meaninglessness, and pain that border on depression are bothering me.  I don't knoiw what to do.