Saturday Morning

I am sitting at my computer working on a piece of writing.  2 weeks ago I gave a talk on Slavery and BDSM in the Writing of Sam Delany at the BASTARD conference.  I am reworking my talk to make it into an essay type of thing....and these are my thoughts:

I am lonely often.  This seems silly because I already walked to Arizmendi w a friend and another friend sat and talked to me for an hour while I sit in our mural room working on things.  I went out with other friends last night and am waiting for my closest friend and his partner to wake up so that I can hang out with them.  I am rich in friends.  I have been rich in close friends for a long time now...basically 14 years.  I know how to be vulnerable and how to have other people be vulnerable around me.  I also constantly reevaluate my friendships and the ways I am acting, so that I am always learning new and better ways.  Despite this, I still sometimes feel the need to be alone. 

As Sam Delany says, “There are times when you must walk by yourself because it hurts so much to be alone."  Sometimes I want or need that pain.  I need to explore my desire for sadness, my desire for joy, my desire for static, and my desire for fluidity.  I try to tease out with I most identity with and which I want to keep. 

I really want to quit my fucking job

I want to go on a road trip for weeks with a smart and cute person where there is mutual attraction and lots of cuddles(it seems there is a decent chance this will happen for a 2 day period in 3 weeks)

I want to surf more, and maybe live someplace where that is more doable

I want to write more, possibly  even ficiton!