more on feelings

Things finally got to a point today where I felt that my feelings were having negative effects on my close friendships.  I really annoyed my close friend C today, just because I am manicy and off.  I can't seem to hold a feeling for any fucking length of time.  I spent most of the last 3 hours wondering if I should burn myself or if I am fundamentally flawed.  I haven't had the fundamentally flawed problem in a looong time.  Most days I am pretty happy with just being a person or assemblage or whatever the fuck I am.  I am annoyed that this might have something to do with A, the person from Santa Cruz.  Most of my relationships are going really well right now, so it's hard to tell what the fuck is going on.  Instead of taking benzos or burning myself I got stoned, wrote this, will smoke a cigarette, and try to fall asleep and start over