Taking Care of Things

Driving down kaliananole highway the other day i heard my car make one of its sounds. The first one was the screech of the power steering that is no longer powered. Next came the cracking of the frame of the car (being the emo kid i was unable to acquire any knowledge about cars) hinting not so subtly that my car is falling apart at the seams. Then i changed the song on my ipod and noticed the bills on my dashboard and the faceplate of my stereo that is about 10% there making it appear like a robot with his human mask pulled off, revealing the lights and buttons inside. Adding all of this together I understood that i brought this upon myself. I don't take care of my car so it is breaking. I didnt take good care of my ipod (which is coming up on its 7th birthday) and it has both feet in the grave, but sometimes it jumps out and pretends to be alive because it knows i need my bright eyes fix for the day. My laptop is the same way, just enough to get me by, but not enough so that i am not constantly worried that it will blow up and take me to the grave with it. My bike's tires go flat every week, but instead of fixing them, i just refill the air every couple weeks. When you don't take care of things they either crumble or break.
I have spent far too much of my life not taking care of things that i want to take care of. I got what i deserved from my material objects and probably about the same from the people in my life. I didn't really take care of my relationships and they died, crumbled, and broke. Friendships, i did a better job, but i think overall they are less maintenance since everyone has lower expectations for friends. With a significant other I cannot just not call for a week, but with a friend this is easily forgotten or the norm. What I am getting at is simple, I want to take care of the things I care about. I want to be better to the kids at my work even though I am a small percentage of their lives. As long as I am there, I want to have the best possible impact.

Speaking of taking care of things, I am graduating college in a month and a half. Wow. I cannot really avoid life anymore. I can do the cliche and travel. After graduating I will be able to afford it and I have never really been anywhere besides Hawaii so I think i should. Theoretically, i will go by myself, since the loneliness is both terrifying and unbelievably exciting. I would have no compromises to make (not that I make a lot). After that I want to work non profit with kids in some way. I am not sure how, but I miss City Year. I miss being surrounded by people who are actively working to make the world a better place EVERY DAY. That in itself is incredibly moving and inspirational and i wish I had not taken it for granted. I hated the structure and all the bullshit that came along with Americorps, but the people were some of most fucked up honest amazing brilliant caring god damned beautiful fucking people i have ever met and i miss seeing most of them. I also painfully miss so many of the kids at the elementary school. It hurts thinking about them and not being able to talk to them or help them with homework or some little dilemma. I am no longer part of their lives anymore. That has been difficult for me to come to terms with, but I have had to i guess....
So, the moral of the story is "take care of the things you care about" and i hope i can become waaaay better at that as soon as fucking possible.

PS I dunno if my Conor Oberst obsession will ever end. If i was a little less obsessed I think it might scare me, but I am to the point where I am too deep in the forest to see the trees. WAAAAY too deep