SLEEP

I don't sleep often, well, or deeply.
When I do sleep and share a bed, hill, beach, or tent I prefer to do it with someone I am seeing who I care about
Secondly, with a friend split down the middle, laughing or commiserating
Thirdly, alone, sometimes this can be close to the best, but usually falls in down here
Lastly, with someone I don't have deep feelings for who I am sexual with...this is a bad option, an option I come back to more frequently than I would like to admit

 Staying Alive
I'ts nice to take care of someone else
Because then I don't have to take care of myself

It feels good to help someone else with their problems
Because then I don't have to help myself with mine

It is peaceful to lay with someone else, to hold and be held
Because then I don't need to lay alone and hold myself

It is a nice respite to wonder what my lover is thinking
Because when consumed with their thoughts, mine become whispers
Inaudible, floating slowly into oblivion and away from me

I am selfish
I am using them
To avoid myself

I am Scared of My Self

For 27 years I have woken up to what I could be and gone asleep as what I am
Overwhelmed by the disparity, the two no longer seem destined to meet

When will what I want become what I need
When will I let myself be
I have no compass map anchor
Lost without a beginning or an end
I know not where I come from nor where I am to go
Stuck in this limbo
I endure each moment
But
Staying alive is no way to live