a blog about a frog, a bee, and a human:


the human was walking through "nature" thinking about how he thought it was all bullshit, and that connecting with it was crap. but it turns out there was another side to this. he was mystified by a bee, he had always loved bees, but not for the same reasons that he felt today. as the bee flew casually from flower to flower, it seemed so at ease, it was just doing what it was meant to do. it was just fulfilling its part in the ecosystem. the human being walked and even ran to keep up with the bee as it flew down the hill, mesmerized the man couldnt keep his eyes off of this everyday event. how can something so simple, be so fuckin beautiful thought the man, because when something just works it is amazing. as the man climbed to the top of the mt he reached a swimming hole and a waterfall, and he bathing in the chilly refrshing water, and basked in the warm rays of the sun. then as the man was about to climb vertically up the falls, he noticed something that caught his attention, a toad. this was not a toad of abnormal size, big, large, or of fascinating colors, it was just a simple toad. as the man told his problems to the toad and conversed with the toad the toad simply stayed hidden in the corner feasting upon his prey. that was all the toad needed to say. he answered the mans many seemingly complicated questions with seemingly impossible answers, by going about his daily routinte. so the man then gave up his quest of answers for the first time in a while and just enjoyed the life of the frog. however as he walked back down the mountain, back into his life, the life he has chosen for himself, he couldnt help but wonder if it was possible for him to live as these other creatures live, if somehow he can create a path for himself, where he wasnt worried about his happiness or any of the other shit put on him by society that he had built into his mind. so like usual this mesh of thought without any answers continues to stay opened, but at least it is possible for a light to exist at the end of the tunnel for this human

im on kauai for less than a day and already i long for home or maybe more aptly a home. what is home, is it my rented house on oahu, definitely not. is it my parents home in southern california? no. there is love there, but there is no comfort. living in san clemente just brings back memories of a past better left precisely there, in the past. however, that past follows me relentlessly. or maybe i drag it with me unable to let go and leave it behind. with so much to see, so much to experience, i long for a sense of comfort and peace, one that i believe is unattainable as long as i continue to force myself to bear the burden of events transpired years ago. so on my return to oahu, a place which has been a holding pen for my life for the past 3 years, i long for more. in the words of conor oberst to love and to be loved, to have better relationships with the ones i care about. to develop a love for the world around me, to not just see the potential in people but the beauty in their mistakes. to quote another band somehow i want to find beauty in these failures, somehow i want to find meaning in these lies....on a completely unrelated ,but at the same time completely relevant stream of thought, is it possible for humans who are conscious of the world around them to ever attain an inner peace and happiness, to live a day without pain, aware of the way we have stepped out of the bounds of nature, and become disattached so much that people think nature is sitting in the middle of a forrest, nature is everything. its just not big fuckin buildings instead of billions of species of different animals. how can one be happy in a world where 1/6 of the population is malnourished, where i am born with so many life enhancers (food, car, shelter, love) and so many more are born with so little. so finally, to love and to be loved, is not enough. that love needs to be shown to people all around the world, not just a nuclear family or the ones u care about. that can only be selfishly satisfactory for so long until reality hits. so off i am to "enjoy nature" to hike into the mountains, but really all that is there is the remnants of a world that once worked, where there were less questions and more living. i long to live in that place once so alive. i long to find my home...