The Tale of My Fourth Grade Everything:
She isn't that girl from the wrong side of the tracks
She isn't your typical diamond in the rough
She refuses to be your cliche
She is a fucking supernova lighting up the universe
Her Universe is a 4th grade classroom surrounded by her apathetic peers
As her ears open to hear and absorb any knowledge she can get her tiny hands on
Her universe is a small trailer walking distance from school that she shares with several other Chinese Immigrants where attention is about as easy to find as an English speaker to help her with her homework
She is only 9 but she knows that her universe is infinite and forever expanding
An overcrowded trailer in an ignored part of town in East San Jose is just a starting point for Sam, because she is just beginning her journey
She is going places
As we sit on the swings at recess Sam counsels me on how to treat the other kids varying personality quirks
She tells me I am doing great work
She tells me everything will be ok
She tells me all the things I am supposed to say
As I walked into the classroom I found her doing work with the most honest smile I have ever seen
She worked with care and diligence ignoring the 30 or so other distractions in the form of elementary students
Sam was going to get it done, because she is going places in her infinite universe
She sat at her desk with her binders and notebooks forming a fortress around her, stacked up to prevent the other kids from getting inside her world
Her impregnable fortress reminds those around her that she is not to be picked on
It tells them she is going to do what she wants, live how she wants, and that they better not get in her way
She tells them this in the quietest most peaceful way
And they know she is going places
As time went on I gave her the small knowledge I have gained in this world
Loaning her "His Dark Materials" as a counter to the religious upbringing that she already knows is not for her
Her universe is infinite and forever expanding and quaint religions are not big enough to fit inside Sam's world
On sunny Northern California afternoons we would swing, and we shared our dreams so freely that they were tangible for a second
We held them in our hands, passed them back and forth, and took joy in knowing the universe is infinite and forever expanding
We can be anything , we can do anything, we are going places
As we sat on those swings together i would take one look and her eyes would paralyze me, freeing me from my memories and my limitations, her eyes make me realize i can be what i see in my dreams
If Sam's universe is infinite and forever expanding from a run down trailer in a run down part of town then so is mine from my comfortable confines
When my mind is turned to mush by the worries my nagging Jewish mother has passed onto me I swing with Sam
When I cannot handle another 10 hour day trying to teach young children all the while pretending I am mature and strong enough to handle the privilege I have of working with these amazing kids, I swing with Sam
When the world has me down and I am trying to fit my ideals of fairness and compassion into a world sorely lacking in both, I swing with Sam
She shares the book she is writing and illustrating with me
She lets me escape to the world inside her head, where anything is possible
Where being a latch key kid is just extra time for her to read and create instead of hours spent waiting for hard-working parents who may or may not get home in time to make her dinner
Where being the only English speaker in her family isn't a burden, but a fun way to play translator and mommy to her little cousins
In fourth grade she has the maturity, kindness, and compassion I have spent each day of my 25 years on this planet searching for
At 9 years old she is destroying dichotomies
She is showing the world that she can keep her head on straight while also keeping it just high enough up in the clouds for her dreams to always remain within sight
She is my fourth grade everything and when I have a tough day I remember Sam, and the grace she always carries and the compassion she always shows
And i remember that our universe is infinite and forever expanding, and that we are going places
She isn't that girl from the wrong side of the tracks
She isn't your typical diamond in the rough
She refuses to be your cliche
She is a fucking supernova lighting up the universe
Her Universe is a 4th grade classroom surrounded by her apathetic peers
As her ears open to hear and absorb any knowledge she can get her tiny hands on
Her universe is a small trailer walking distance from school that she shares with several other Chinese Immigrants where attention is about as easy to find as an English speaker to help her with her homework
She is only 9 but she knows that her universe is infinite and forever expanding
An overcrowded trailer in an ignored part of town in East San Jose is just a starting point for Sam, because she is just beginning her journey
She is going places
As we sit on the swings at recess Sam counsels me on how to treat the other kids varying personality quirks
She tells me I am doing great work
She tells me everything will be ok
She tells me all the things I am supposed to say
As I walked into the classroom I found her doing work with the most honest smile I have ever seen
She worked with care and diligence ignoring the 30 or so other distractions in the form of elementary students
Sam was going to get it done, because she is going places in her infinite universe
She sat at her desk with her binders and notebooks forming a fortress around her, stacked up to prevent the other kids from getting inside her world
Her impregnable fortress reminds those around her that she is not to be picked on
It tells them she is going to do what she wants, live how she wants, and that they better not get in her way
She tells them this in the quietest most peaceful way
And they know she is going places
As time went on I gave her the small knowledge I have gained in this world
Loaning her "His Dark Materials" as a counter to the religious upbringing that she already knows is not for her
Her universe is infinite and forever expanding and quaint religions are not big enough to fit inside Sam's world
On sunny Northern California afternoons we would swing, and we shared our dreams so freely that they were tangible for a second
We held them in our hands, passed them back and forth, and took joy in knowing the universe is infinite and forever expanding
We can be anything , we can do anything, we are going places
As we sat on those swings together i would take one look and her eyes would paralyze me, freeing me from my memories and my limitations, her eyes make me realize i can be what i see in my dreams
If Sam's universe is infinite and forever expanding from a run down trailer in a run down part of town then so is mine from my comfortable confines
When my mind is turned to mush by the worries my nagging Jewish mother has passed onto me I swing with Sam
When I cannot handle another 10 hour day trying to teach young children all the while pretending I am mature and strong enough to handle the privilege I have of working with these amazing kids, I swing with Sam
When the world has me down and I am trying to fit my ideals of fairness and compassion into a world sorely lacking in both, I swing with Sam
She shares the book she is writing and illustrating with me
She lets me escape to the world inside her head, where anything is possible
Where being a latch key kid is just extra time for her to read and create instead of hours spent waiting for hard-working parents who may or may not get home in time to make her dinner
Where being the only English speaker in her family isn't a burden, but a fun way to play translator and mommy to her little cousins
In fourth grade she has the maturity, kindness, and compassion I have spent each day of my 25 years on this planet searching for
At 9 years old she is destroying dichotomies
She is showing the world that she can keep her head on straight while also keeping it just high enough up in the clouds for her dreams to always remain within sight
She is my fourth grade everything and when I have a tough day I remember Sam, and the grace she always carries and the compassion she always shows
And i remember that our universe is infinite and forever expanding, and that we are going places
posted by Rydra Cosmo at
12:28 AM
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