Fuck You Pig:

yes you. the man/woman who pulls me over on at 1 oclock to give me a ticket for registration. who makes me feel like a criminal. yes you, the cop who pulled me over at 3 on a saturday nite for rolling a stop sign, while all i did was wake up at my friends request to take his and his gf's drunk asses home less than a mile from my house. im sure giving designated drivers tickets is the way to protect and serve the community in which u live. how fuckin worthless of a person do u have to be to become a cop. do u hate ur fellow man, because u are not one of them. u are a leech. u suck off people. u ruin their days. u bring now protection to me or anyone i know. u look to end peoples fun, enforce every bullshit small law in the books. FUCK YOU. rotting in hell is a fate better than that of which you deserve. the cop who when i drove home after tearing my knee into pieces, instead of understanding i drove into my driveway honking, so that my brother could drive me to the ER, you threatened to take me to jail. you told me not to make a noise disturbance, fuck you. is it too much to ask to have good experience w a fuckin pig in my life. i think not. what drives someone into service. is it the same thing that makes people busdrivers; is ur life so out of control that you must attempt to take tiny controlling actions over that of strangers. does having that gun make u feel better, a nice big weapon in ur pants to make up for the other one that is small shy and afraid. FUCK YOU.

i feel like im dying... my heart is beating so fast all the time, and i know it can only take so much. how much longer until it gives out? how much longer can i maintain life the way it is? im so fucking dissatisfied with almost everything i do, even the style of my writing bothers me. i dont think this is good, it just makes me more dissatisfied than i already was but at least its something i guess. any dream i had in my life is pretty much dead. i didnt go to a good college, i didnt do amazing things or have amazing experiences in college, most of them were painful experiences in a relaitionship that i thought would last forever , but turned out to be no different than all the other ones ive seem crumble and die. i dont have many friends who make me proud. i wish i had more friends who inspired me, but instead i am disgusted by a lot of them and continually disappointed. my new therapist says "when u are unhealthy u attract unhealthy friends and sexual interests and the opposite when u are healthy" i guess that is true, most of the girls ive dated and been into were not mature, and had a lot of issues, different than my issues, but some pretty fucked up issues that make having a relationship unrealistic. im not even close to being someone i would be happy w as a kid, let alone now. so right now im over writing this bullshit, and im going to watch the steve prefontaine movie and get motivated to take a small step tomorrow towards building a life i can be satisfied or maybe even happy with